unpacking the suitcase.

so, i moved into my new apartment this afternoon. it's right in downtown ilsan, in the middle of all the stuff that goes on. it's just a little studio. like, really really little, but i think it will do. i'll post pictures once i feel proud of the nesting job i've done...

it's sunday night, and i'm sitting here alone in my new apartment and i feel just that: alone. my tv is broken, the mic on my computer is broken so i can't call anyone, and i'm just sitting here feeling sort of, well, all by myself in a different country. i start my first full week of teaching tomorrow, and i'll actually be doing everything now b/c the teacher i'm replacing left today. it's a bit daunting but i think it will be good. the school seems cool.

it's pretty weird just sitting here in an apartment that feels like a stranger to me. i kind of feel like me and the apartment are both unsure about each. the apartment is going through withdrawl with the other teacher leaving, and is looking at me, with skeptical eyes, not sure if we're going to get along. and i'm sitting here, wishing the apartment would just accept me with open arms and embrace me as its new inhabitant so we can become good friends and not go through this awkward "getting-to-know-you" phase.

for now months now, i haven't lived in a place where i know i'm staying for 9 months, and it's almost hard to get used to the idea of staying in one place for awhile. i've gotten used to coming and then going soon after. the other night, i nearly grabbed my suitcase, walked out the door, headed to the airport, and bought a plane ticket back to england so i could atleast just be with ali again and not have to get used to the weird korean smells and drunk-on-soju korean men yelling outside my window. those things seem like a good idea at 4 in the morning when you can't sleep.

but my apartment and i will get used to each other, and as my dad always says: "the sun will come up tomorrow." and: "be tough." and: "sit down shut up and enjoy the ride." (maybe that doesn't really apply to this though. or maybe it does...)

holy kimchi, here i am again.

after spending a week in england, i boarded a plane, and next thing you know was spit out right back where started: ilsan, south korea.

i am tired of packing my suitcase. especially when the day before i leave, i find out i can only take one bag, of 20 kilos, with me. I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU LUFTHANSA AIRLINE!!! i nearly had a mental breakdown. this is my life i'm moving people! everything i own! 20 KILOS IS NOT GONNA CUT IT! but i calmed myself (lie: ali calmed myself) and i took out everything i wouldn't need for the next week, then about 10 kilos more, and packed two boxes and sent them to korea. (lie: ali packed two boxes and is sending them to korea today. i was on a time crunch, alright?) i also packed one box and sent it home to good ole mom and dad.

i am also tired of boarding planes sobbing and unable to see because my smeared mascara has clouded over my contacts, which will stay clouded the entire journey so that i have to make a sort of squinty face to watch the movies on the plane.

i am also tired of....oh wait, no just tired. i had a 14 hour overnight flight in which the sleeping i wished i was doing was replaced by a pulling sensation in my neck muscles that left me unable to move my head for about 12 hours after my flight. then last night i did not sleep one wink. not one. and then this morning i left at 8:30 for my first day of work. exactly 21 hours after i landed!

shockingly, my first day of school went really well! i like it. it's small, the kids are cute, it's laid back, and no one really seems to be looking over my shoulder. i think i will fit in there. i'm teaching the same age of kids again--kindergarten (3 through 7 year olds) from 9:30 till 2:30 and then elementary aged classes from 3 till 5:15. it's pretty easy anc chilled out. the teacher i'm replacing was uber helpful today in prepping me for what i am to do.

its really wierd to be back here. i miss my family, and i feel a lack of energy reserves to cope with inevitable difficult beginnings. but today was better than yesterday, and experience has told me that things get easier. i kind of feel like i never left, and at the same time i feel like i was never here at all.

i think what would really help my mental state is a really really really good night's sleep. afterall, sleep + sleep + sleep = ability to adapt!

oooo, and lastly, i forgot that koreans SHOVE! so pushy these little guys are...

deal breaker.

anybody see the 30 rock season finale this week? that show is OSF (oh so funny) and quickly becoming my favorite show on television. anyway, it ends with a chorus of pop stars singing a song about donating a kidney. however, the funniest part was liz lemon's "deal breaker" lines. i'm unsuccesfully trying to find a way to incorporate it into my everyday conversation.

so shop i did. i spent 2 1/2 hours in h&m, made 4 trips round the store and back into the dressing room. i don't find shopping all that fun when it's leisurely, so image the effort and frustration that went into a trip with such purpose and necessity. it felt like a job. i deliberated, i tried on, i put back, i tried on again, i separated styles, i spent 15 minutes sitting in my dressing room pondering the meaning of clothing...

but i came out alive, with a heavier suitcase, a lighter wallet, and less anxiety about squeezing into clothes that go up to a whopping size xs. sizes in korea: DEAL BREAKER.

i have but a couple days left in the windy city, and i'm trying to get those last minute things done before i go. the top two on the list:

1. find sunscreen that doesn't make me want to rip my face off. i've been having this issue for the last few years of breaking out in an itchy and painful rash every time i put certain lotions on my face or neck, and it took me 3 years to figure out i'm allergic to sunscreen! or atleast something in sunscreen. anyway, so i've left myself 2 days to find a product that works. (buying sunscreen in korea: DEAL BREAKER. because it all has whitening products in it.) anyway, i've looked online and i think i'll be trying to baby sunscreens that are chemical free. california baby from whole foods--anyone heard of it?
2. trying to find a way to get more pages in my passport. an even worse thing to leave yourself 2 days to do. as the korean woman at the consulate this week told me as she handed me my passport: "you need more page. finishy." it turns out i do not have a single empty page left and am anticipating evil glares from the immigration officers at the airport as they try to find a place to squeeze a stamp onto my passport. sending my passport in from korea to get more pages put in because i'm an idiot and forgot to do it earlier: DEAL BREAKER people, DEAL BREAKER.

almost on the road again.

so i've been in chicago for almost 3 months now, doing a little teaching at merit, blowing up the air mattress every night and crashing in tricia and jen's living room, running big man chance a few times a week, and that pretty much seems to some up what i've done for the last 3 months. ali left for england on tuesday, and i'll be heading out there next week, and then to korea the week after that. so it looks like our rollercoaster of a year may be coming to an end. or atleast to a pause. i feel very dubious about the prospect of actually being able to unpack my suitcase in a few weeks time. i haven't really done that for 9 months. (well, unless you include the week that i lived in an apartment in london, when i unpacked everything only to re-pack everything 3 days later...)

i will not miss blowing up the airmattress every night (and i'm guessing the people living downstairs will not miss the nightly sound of a tornado exploding overhead just when they're almost falling asleep), but i will miss staying with tricia and jen, and chloe (bean) and chance (big man). it's been nice to be so close to everyone here for awhile!

i'm on my way downtown to the korean embassy to pick up my passport with my full visa in it. and to go shopping for a year's worth of clothes that fit me so i never have to enter a little korea boutique only to encounter wide eyes, a look of terror, and a tiny little korean woman saying "nooooo noooooo. too fat. you stretch clothes." i could do without that.