ouch! it bit me!

i feel very much the Christmas spirit starting to ooze into my blood. after spending saturday and sunday in downtown london hanging out with friends, i started to get that annual desire to fill my days with christmasy things. ice skating in the city, sipping hot cocoa bundled in mittens and a wooly scarf, shopping in a lit-up harrods for christmas teas and coffees, strolling through the famous london street of christmas lights (all of this which are on the agenda for next weekend...), and watching every classic christmas movie out there from it's a wonderful life to the polar express (on the agenda for tonight). i can't help it. i've been listening to christmas music non-stop. i'm about to head to the video store to pick up every christmas film in the building. i just sent an e-card where you get to create your own snow man. sigh. i've been bit by the bug.

to be honest, it's been a rather difficult time these days. we're really worried about me getting the visa, and it seems necessary to think about what we will do if i don't get it. which just leads to a lot of panick and stress. him getting a visa to the states is even more impossible and unlikely, and it would seem that in order to be together, we would have to go overseas. maybe there are more options, but being refused this visa definitely makes the future look a little bleak and unstable. we're trying not to think about it, and just enjoy being together at the moment, but, well, it's impossible to not let it sort of cloud over the moment. we did, however, go to a beautiful service at westminster abbey yesterday. ali's childhood friends' dad was doing the service. that may be the most beautiful church i've been to. and one of the most beautiful choirs. i just found myself praying the entire time that God takes care of me. and us. it's scary not knowing what the plan is for my life.

well, off to the video store i go, ho ho ho, let it snow let it snow let it snow, rudolph the red nose rein...oh wait, that doesn't rhyme.

visa nightmare.

THIS VISA IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!

i feel as though it is starting to take over my life. a couple of nights ago i woke up from a horrible dream with undertones of my largely repressed (it has to be) but very powerful fear that i will not get my visa. i cried for a long time in a half asleep/half awake state and woke up the next day feeling like i got hit by a truck. last night, ali and i spent 6 hours doing more (sigh) visa research--reading forums, figuring out what needs to be written on the letter for my old boss (eeek! not another encounter with charlie!) to sign, if my bank records are on the right kind of paper, whether they count net pay or gross pay and from what starting date, and so many other terribly stressful concerns of which i will spare you the details. i couldn't sleep last night and when i did, i had unsettling dreams that left me feeling tired and anxious today.

i am starting to feel like this may be one of the most stressful thing i've done in my life. nothing that i can remember working toward has had such a strong outcome on the course of my life that i can remember. no test i studied for in college, no job application, no tangible goal i've worked toward in my life has been so full of tricky details that could be missed and so full of what feels like never ending obstacles!!! i feel like i'm climbing up a verticle wall. with spikes. and big angry chomping crocodiles below. it's hard to look past this and plan for my future or prepare or work towards any other goals i have right now b/c the outcome of this visa determines everything!

one month and one week from today, if all goes according to plan, i will be back in the states, i will have applied online, i will have had all my biometrcis done at the british consulate, i will have paid the WHOPPING $1,300.00 visa fee, all my checked and re-checked and checked again documents will be sent in, and it will all be out of my my hands. 5.....weeks.....

two things to make for a great day:

#1. Yes we can!!! (watching this brought me to tears...)

#2. I get to see Dena in 2 hours!!!!!!!!

oh say can you see...

it's election day it's election day it's election day!!!! i can proudly say i voted for obama a few weeks ago when i was in the states. i am EXCITED!!!! i just hope i can catch the action on tv here. it's absolutely hillarious to watch the news in england. at home, even if you may be able to catch hints of bias from the station or news reporters, they have to remain relatively equal and balanced in their report and their coverage. but in england, there is no hiding the bias! any news channel i watch spends large chunks of their newscasts these days covering glorious barack obama glide through his campaign with a big shining light cast around his head, and they are not shy in stating that obama as president is basically america's only hope to not go down the tubes...and to not be forever hated by every other country in the world. and then after about 20 minutes of this radiating coverage, they'll show a 5 second fuzzy gray clip of john mccain saying "joe the plumber? are you in the crowd? joe the plumber where are you?" the transition goes something like this:
"barack obama climbs more points in the polls today, as america looks toward a brighter future under his leadership. look at him. he's glowing! look at that smile! it's radiant! he's oozing greatness and we like him over here! we like him!!! oh, and there's john mccain, confused and looking stupid because he can't find his plumber in the crowd."

it's something like that. anyway, go vote everyone!!!!