vampire withdrawl.

things worth noting:

1. i finished it. it's done. no more vampire love in my life. i am going through serious withdrawl. (i promise not to make fun of your books so much stephenie meyer if you'll just write me another one...)

2. last week i babysat a 2 year old for a friend of a friend and was having serious identity issues everytime we walked out the door to head to play group or walk along the beach or go to the playground. as i pushed the stroller and said things way too enthusiastically like "wow, it's a nice day out here, isn't it william!" or when i started referring to myself in third person like "don't pull Carolyn's coat, that belongs to Carolyn", i started to have these moments of horror that people would think i was a mom. i'm not sure why this bothered me so much, but the thought of being looked at through the "she's a mom, look at her kid, CUTE!" filter made me want to wear a big t-shirt that said..."stop looking at me that way. i'm just the babysitter." it all came to a head when i was walking with william down by the lake and i passed a guy running and he looked at the kid, looked at me, winked, and while giving me a big thumbs up said "WAY TO GO MOM!!!!" i turned in panic, trying to spit the words out in time as he ran past..."I'M NOT A MOM!!! I'M NOT A MOM!!! I'M JUST THE BABYSITTER!!!" but my words trailed off into the wind like my lingering sense of self.

3. friday night we went out, and while eating thai and sushi and throwing back the glasses of wine, this old guy right next to us started choking. like, serious choking. a guy at another table had to give him the heimlich maneuver until he finally threw up whatever he was choking on. SCARY! what was even scarier was the lack of emotion and effort put forth by the thai waiters and waitresses. it's like you could just see it in their eyes as it was happening..."that's gonna be bad for bussiness..." they even somehow managed to deliver our crab rangoons in the midst of it all. priorities people. priorities. dying people first. apetizers second.